Look I'm doing it!

Hey look! I’m posing more than once in a year! Go me!
How’s everyone been doing?

My first post back was just about my goals and where is want to be in basically a year from now. This one however will just be me explaining where I am at this point in my life… to fill in some of the blanks since 2014.

Shortly after I posted my last post I was offered a “full” time job and I took it but since I was still working at the restaurant on Fridays I had to ask to cut my hours down a little. I had a three month trial. I was working about 50 – 60 hours a week. It was kind of crazy for me. To be honest I think that’s where I started to go “downhill” as I put it. I had basically no free time and my friends were on a difference schedule or in a different province.

And then an old friends and boyfriend came back into my life. He had just broken up with his girlfriend (the one he cheated with and left me for I might add) and he wanted me back (didn’t think that’s what I was going to say right?… Note the sarcasm) I knew he was just rebounding and I even told him that but I wanted his friendship back so I let him be flirty. No surprise I let him back in again… bad choice. He hurt me again... hurt me more than our break up did. He got me to care about and then threw our friendship away. I knew he would go back to her but I thought he would at least stay friends with me.  It’s been over a year since I last saw him. His goodbye was a kiss on the cheek and then he left, haven’t seen or heard from or about him in over a year. I will always be sad about this, I miss his friendship.
But “life” went on. I ended up quitting my restaurant job to work full time here (the office job), I am now a shipping coordinator. And I became numb and angry at everything(weird combo right?).  My life was working and eating, I wasn’t happy. And that brings me here.

I started to “wake up” the past few months, partly because of a guy. I’ve been seeing my best friend’s brother for about 4 months now. He made me realize that I missed going out sometimes. I missed having a passion and goals. Things aren’t going well with him though. He doesn’t want a commitment and that’s fine but you can’t tell someone you still want to date but not actually see them. He wants to someone to have his crazy life style. And by life style I mean exercise habits. I will never be as crazy as him, it’s just not possible for me. He also doesn’t want to talk to me about those issues and problems he sees. I only know because my best friend told me. My “hope” for this relationship isn’t high.

So for now I’m just working on myself. If he comes around then we will see what happens. All my goals and wanting a new healthy life style isn’t for him (though he is worried about that and believes i'm doing this only for him) it’s only for me. That’s the only way to do things, you have to do it for yourself and keep motivated.

On a side note, I have a few baby showers to go too it’s very exciting. At the end of this month I will have gone to 3 baby showers in under a year. They are all having or had boys. I have 3 unofficial nephews.  It makes me so happy. I now have to buy gifts for all these little boys in my life.

That’s all for now, I’ll keep you all posted on new things in my life. Hopefully my next post will have some updates on my goals.

~ Cassidy ~

And It Begins... Again :P

Hi Everyone,

It’s been a long time and it’s no one’s fault but my own. I lost interest in a lot of things in the past few years. Honestly been in kind of a downward spiral for a while now. And it’s time to pull myself out.

So - Numb is the word I would describe myself right now. I’ve realized that I have stopped doing everything that I like, and it needs to stop. I want to get back into my favorite things, Reading, Writing, anime and manga. I need to plainly start living a better life style… Eating better, Working out and being more organized. I need to start being motivated and happy again.

My goals for the next few months are:
To get my life in a little better “order” for lack of a better word. To get my room cleaned, organized and to FINALLY buy/make my new bed to have a better sleeping and living environment. I have asked my dad to help me with a new “project”… to create a new bed frame. One that has a lot more storage so I can create more space in my room.

To apply for some online courses, I’ve been saying that I was going to go back to school for… Well for basically 5 years now... since I graduated high school. Now yes I know I did go to culinary school but I just mean specifically college to learn new subjects. After graduating culinary school I applied for college and they didn’t accept me because my high school grades weren't great and because they didn’t consider my culinary school years as a real school and the grades wouldn't push up my marks. So after that I was discouraged and never applied again… I need to step up again and apply for courses that interest me. I will hopefully be buying a new laptop very soon so it can help me more with my studies.

To get in better shape. The typical “new year’s resolution”. I’ve been trying to get in shape for a few months now but I keep getting off track and unmotivated. I can’t do that anymore… I need to start slow and gradually bring things into my daily “habits” ( Or start due to my lack of habits). Build up to my goal of a healthy life style and working out every (or almost… got to have a rest day every once in a while) day. Going to start with my eating habits... although they aren’t that bad right now. I do need to minimize my emotional eating which is what brings me down the most. And I also want to incorporate walking into my everyday life (hopefully that continues into winter... hate living in Canada sometimes :P) and then integrate workouts into my life.

And last major goal is to start doing things I enjoy again. Like I mention above I want to start reading more again. Start writing and drawing too. Anything! I need to find new interests. Find myself again. I have stopped doing the things I love so I can “fit” in with my friend’s life style. Don’t get me wrong I love my friends and I never needed to change myself for them… it just kind of happened. I need to be me again. I need to find myself. I need to be more open and happy. Need to be free.

I need to get out of my comfort zone, out of this bubble. My life is just eating, going to work and sleeping. That is not healthy.

I’m starting this blog again in hopes that it will remind me of my goals, remind me of the things I want to achieve. To help bring me back to who I was before I became numb to everything… before my laughs became forced and fake. To where I am alive again.

Anyways on a brighter side… there are a few exciting things happening in the next few months. I’ll talk more about that when I have more information. But for now this post is done. My somewhat rants are over.

Now I must get back to work, Talk to you later.

~ Cassidy~